Many of us have never experienced the contentment of self-love. Our task is to honor, accept, forgive, and love ourselves. More In codependency, thinking and behavior revolve around another person, substance, or process. Bit by bit, we lose ourselves, become dependent— even addicted. Yet we can’t stop, despite the pain. More Recovery is a transformational journey of self-actualization toward autonomy and integration. We reconnect to our real Self that’s hidden beneath learned, false ideas. More We begin by detaching from others in order to focus on ourselves.
For some people, this might include abstinence or sobriety. More
We build self-esteem and gain self-respect, self-trust and an ability to meet our needs. With self-acceptance, we don’t blame ourselves or take things personally. More We learn to express our thoughts, feelings, and needs. We find the courage to set boundaries, to say “no” and “stop.” Allowing bad behavior invites more of it. More We’re not defined by happened to us, but we have wounds and buried shame. To fully recover, we heal our past to free ourselves of its legacy and codependency. More When we're aligned with our real Self, we’re able to live authentically and pursue
unique goals and passions
that express our true nature.

Darlene Lancer

True happiness emanates from self-esteem, which is the cornerstone of successful relationships, work, and life. Self-esteem reflects how you treat and talk to yourself.

Darlene Lancer JD LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

I bring a wide range of professional and life experience to my practice as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and relationship and codependency expert. I wrote Codependency for Dummies and Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. Over the course of 30 years, I’ve helped men and women recover from codependency and trauma. More

Books, Webinars, and Audio Recordings

Click covers to buy.
Click “More” for information and reviews.

Paperbacks and digital versions available at booksellers

“Recommended over Codependent No More.”
“Best book I ever read.” “A fantastic guide.”
“A huge blessing!” “Absolute Godsend.”
“The ultimate book on codependency!”
“A lifesaver.”   “Absolutely brilliant.”
“Like having a personal counselor.”
“Comprehensive.” “A serious book.”
“The exercises really do work.”
“Instrumental to my recovery.”
“Profoundly life-changing.”

“Turned my life around!” “A phenomenal author.”
“One of the most personal and powerful books I
have ever read!” “Transformative.” “Brilliant.”
“I am impressed and profoundly changed.”
“Best codependency book out there.”
“Helped conquer the root of all my
life’s problems.” “Unparalleled.”
“Life-changing, liberating.”
“A heart soothing beacon.”
“A genuine eye-opener.”

E-workbooks are available here and at online booksellers, including for Apple and Kobo.

Slide “Be prepared for positive changes!!”
“Positive results in my life.”
“Step by step to improve
your self-esteem.”
“Sheer brilliance.”
spiritual transformation "Love everything about this book."
“The best recovery guidebook.”
“An absolute must-have.”
“An incredible companion
to my 12-step work.”
“A practical guide for all
struggling with perfectionism
and wanting to change.”
“Very encouraging daily reflections”
"People who are not codependents would probably find it helpful as well."
Slide “Wonderful book.” “Very helpful.”
“Made a difference in my life.”
“So empowering. Wonderful results.”
“Very insightful.” “Extremely helpful.”
“Clear, concise steps.”
“Complete road to healing...a map to happiness.”
“Fantastic.” "Life-changing and empowering."
“Awesome.” “Excellent.” “Great insight.”
“Absolutely essential.” Enlightening.”
“Wise counsel.” “This book is gold.”


To get your Free “14 Tips,” please provide your name and email to join my mailing list and monthly blog.

Free Talks and Seminars

My Blogs

Each month I post a new blog about codependency, recovery, narcissism, or relationships. Search for topics using the search bar in the menu or see a List of Titles.
To receive each new monthly article, subscribe to my mailing list, or for the blog only, sign up in the footer. Do share posts with your friends and in social media.
Contact me for permission to copy (other than for personal use), distribute, or publish any article.

Steps of Codependency Recovery

The overall goal of codependency recovery is to become a full-functioning individual. That entails knowing, valuing, and trusting yourself, and expressing yourself in your life…

Healing Psychic Wounds of Codependency

Codependency is more than a relationship problem. Wounds of codependency affect our psyche and individual development. Make no mistake. It’s to no fault of our…
madonna, narcissist woman

Why Narcissists Act the Way They Do

Narcissists can be charming, charismatic, seductive, exciting, and engaging. They can also act entitled, exploitative, arrogant, aggressive, cold, competitive, selfish, obnoxious, cruel, and vindictive. You…
enmeshed boundaries diagram

The Power of Personal Boundaries

Love won’t last without boundaries. It’s easy to understand external boundaries as your bottom line. Think of rules and principles you live by when you…